Finding Naoto
by Fiyerna
Summary: An attempt at a first-person examination of Naoto Shirogane's train of thought during her growing relationship with the Protagonist. Based on the Fortune Social Link in Persona 4.


What is this I feel?

Did I not crush these emotions when I made my decision to become a detective?

I thought I did... but then, why does he evoke such responses from me?

I mean, it started out with some semblance of normalcy. We were acquaintances first, and then associates during our expeditions into the "other world". There was nothing that would have implicated what would follow... nothing that suggested that he and I...

Too many factors involved. He risked his life to save mine within that... place. He beheld my deepest, darkest secrets. He was even thrust into this seemingly childish "case" that I've no choice but to follow through to the end. And yet... he is committed to helping me. So loyal... so kind...

No. Stop this right now, Naoto. You swore never to do this. He saw what you did with the "other letter". He knows how you feel.

And yet... why is there a dull ache in my heart...?

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Such a keen intellect. And Nanako-chan, as well. It must run in their family, considering the precise instinct of Dojima-san.

He... saw the badge. I couldn't conceal it from him... or more accurately, I wouldn't. He deserves to know the exact articles we're locating. But that's not what worries me.

My concern is... his irritating and irrational ability to force me into a flustered amalgam.

Kanji, I believe, puts it best. "What the hell?!"

No one, NO ONE, has ever caused me to lose control like this before. A proper detective needs to remain calm, collected, rational. And yet with a single one-liner, this man can shatter my composure! It makes me so frustrated!

Am I...

Enough. I must focus on the case. I can ponder these feelings at a later time.

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.....Why did I SAY that?!

"There's nothing good about being a girl!"?! Dammit, he disarmed me AGAIN! This shouldn't be happening! I... I'm supposed to be in control, and yet he always forces me into a corner and makes me LOOK at myself! It's all his fault, saying that he's glad I'm a girl! W-who in their right mind would be glad of something like that!?

........

I'm shaking... so badly... My heart is beating so quickly...

Could he be... attracted to me?

...I'm so confused...

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Sad?

...Yes, a little sad... that this is over. It has been a thrilling chase, in spite of the circumstances.

It seems I was right about the shrine. And... as I thought. I know the culprit.

My knife-radio. I didn't think I---

Huh?! What is he doing?! He... thinks it's real?!

.....That idiot....

"What do you think you're doing?! What if that had been real?!"

I have to ask... it's always been my job to ask...

"..Why?"

.........

............................He what?

.......loves.... me...?

.......No, it has to be a joke... He couldn't... No one could possibly....

.............He's......serious?

......His eyes... Look into his eyes....

......No! Look into his eyes, Naoto!!

..........

....Why... can't I look him in the eye....?

...............Why am I shaking?!

........Why.... am I so filled with emotion?!

Why am I just standing here?!

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I... ran away...

But..... I can still feel....

My heart isn't aching now... it's about to burst instead! His words echo in my mind, like a gong or trumpet-call.... And they THRILL me!!

...And scare me... and enthrall me... and incapacitate me...

This.... isn't like the love letters I get... This is... so very different...

We've talked... we've spoken of each other's lives, our deepest secrets, our hopes, our dreams, our grandest desires...

....What if the knife had been real....? What if he had....

......Why am I crying...?

....I hate crying... so... why do I WANT to cry now...?!

.......It's simple.... It's because I'm away from him... It's because I ran away...

Oh, god... will he forgive me...?? ...Do I have the strength to... to look him in the eye... and... and....

.......

...and admit my love...?

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....This is love that I feel. Love for him.

I gave him a badge. One that I made recently... one that matches one I hold.... against my heart...

....I spoke in my natural vocal pitch today... It was.. refreshing. I was comfortable.

He.... got close... I told him not to... but... I couldn't stop myself.... I reached out to him, I put my arm around him... We embraced.... and we....

...we kissed... so tenderly... it was the most beautiful thing in the entire world...

I can't.... get it out of my mind....

I... want to be with him forever... To feel this way for the rest of my life...

....I cried again.... but I didn't stop myself. They were tears of joy... He understood, and didn't say anything... He let me cry... and he... kissed my tears....

I'm shaking again. I can't concentrate... All I can think about is him. His gentle touch, his warm embrace, his kind smile, his understanding gaze... I can't help myself. Grampa already suspects something... he probably already knows. Perhaps I'll tell him tonight over the phone...

Maybe... Grampa can let him move into our estate... Dojima-san may not expect him to live there much longer. If he moves back to the city, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I could join him there, but my studies would be impacted further...

...There is time, though. I'll cherish the days I spend with him. I'll be together with him as often as possible, and enjoy the closeness we share... and will share...

..Perhaps this is fate... or good fortune..

...I never expected to be so happy...

....to be a woman...

.....to be HIS woman....

...........to finally be loved.........

.................to no longer be alone............


End file.
